dissertation on squirrels

Squirrels... Squirrels are fun, fuzzy little creatures who chase innocent princesses around campus and try to steal their sandwiches. As part of the rat family they have natural gathering instincts which are combined with above average brains, of the sneaky variety. As one who has tried to be the friend of all squirrels I have discovered that firstly there are no squirrels in SoCal. Yes, it is true, the fake palm trees just don't do it for them. This leaves me with my observations of the common brown squirrel found on the UT campus. They are fat, mean and will bite if given opportunity. While they may look happy and sweet, larking about, picking up acorns, don't be deceived by outward appearances; in the mouth of every squirrel are teeth and in the heart of every squirrel is the desire to use those teeth on you. This frank assessment of the squirrel nature may upset many, some of which are quite dear to me, liliestaub for one, however it is out of my concern for you that I would make this information known to you so you can guard yourself against this latent threat. Thus while jumping from leaf to leaf, enjoying the splendid crunching noises, watch out for the nasty squirrels because they are watching you...